Selfcare: Essential in Life's Orchestra
The bustling everyday life often revolves around one melody: obligations. In this symphony of deadlines and responsibilities, self-care often seems to be the first casualty. Exercise gets postponed, books remain unread, and moments of peace are consumed by household chaos. But why is self-care so crucial, especially as the pressure mounts?
Scientifically speaking, the answer is crystal clear. Our energy is akin to a bank account. If we constantly spend money (energy) without replenishing it, we'll eventually go bankrupt. By taking good care of ourselves, we maintain that energy - a reservoir from which we can support others without burning ourselves out.
Dr. Catherine Cook-Cottone, an expert in self-care, unveils six essential pillars forming the foundation of a healthy self-care routine: relaxation, physical self-care, self-compassion and meaning-making, a supportive network, a supportive structure, and self-awareness.
To make these pillars practical, Cook-Cottone provides a checklist to assess how well you're caring for yourself. From creative relaxation to physical exercise, from self-compassion to a supportive network, a structured daily routine to self-awareness.
Below is my interpretation of the checklist with questions you can ask yourself and tips to put them into action:
- Relaxation: Nurturing creativity and peace.
- Creative outbursts: Have you done something creative today?
- Sensory relaxation: Have you heard, seen, smelled something relaxing?
Tip: Create space for relaxation and creativity. Allocate 15 minutes daily for a creative activity like drawing, writing, or listening to soothing music. Make it a habit to schedule this time for yourself.
For me, starting the day with meditation works. It helps me begin the day relaxed and prioritizes my well-being. Whatever comes my way that day, I've at least spent one moment on myself. Some days, it's challenging to plan multiple moments for myself. I tend to quickly vacuum the house or hang laundry during my younger children's nap time, which is actually a moment for me to relax. I can involve the children in household tasks. They like to help, gain self-confidence, and learn to assist at a young age. Yes, it's slower and less "perfect" than if I did it myself. But this gives me more space to do something relaxing for myself. Despite knowing this, it remains a challenge to apply it this way.
- Physical self-care: Nutrition and exercise for a healthy body.
- Nutritious choices: Have you eaten healthily?
- Active movement: Have you adequately moved your body?
Tip: Improve eating habits and exercise. Plan healthy meals in advance and create grocery lists to facilitate healthy choices. Make a daily walk a regular part of your routine.
For me, creating a weekly meal plan works. We shop twice a week to have fresh fruit and vegetables at home. To ensure a healthy meal is on the table after a long day's work, we prepare many dishes over the weekend and freeze them (partially). This way, we only need to prepare the fresh vegetables. When I'm tired, I don't feel like cooking. It's tempting to put a pizza in the oven. But that's not the choice I want to make for myself and my family. That's why good preparation is crucial for me. For inspiration for the daily walk, I refer to a previous blog.
- Self-compassion and purpose: Kindness and acceptance towards yourself.
- Kind reflection: Have you looked at your own challenges kindly?
-Meaningful moments: Have you found meaning in what you've done?
Tip: Cultivate kindness towards yourself and seek meaning. Perform a gratitude ritual daily by writing down three things you're grateful for. Reflect on your achievements and be gentle with yourself during setbacks.
My daily gratitude ritual translates into my journal but sometimes also into the guided meditations I do. In my journal, I write down three things I'm grateful for daily. One for myself, one for my surroundings, and one for my work. Depending on the day and what I'm doing, sometimes it shifts to three things for my surroundings or two things for myself and one for work. Over the years, I've learned to look at myself with more compassion. That doesn't mean I don't set high standards for myself and critically analyze my actions. Sometimes still too critical, and I overthink my actions in certain situations repeatedly. Talking about it with my husband or meditating helps me.
A quote from The Open Invite that I came across and find very fitting for this part is: "Allow yourself to be proud of yourself and all the progress you've made. Especially the progress no one else has seen."
- Supportive relationships: Connection with supportive individuals.
-Positive interaction: Have you spent time with supportive people?
-Feeling of support: Have you felt supported by important people in your life?
Tip: Build and maintain valuable connections. Consciously make time to talk or meet friends or family. Invest in relationships that energize you and positively stimulate you.
My family is very important to me. I'm fully connected with them, and my husband supports, encourages and believes in me. Besides my family, job, and business, there's little time left. For me, this is precious time, and I consciously choose whom I spend it with. Quality is more important than quantity for me. There are people who are important to me but whom I don't often meet physically. When we see each other, it feels good, as if we saw each other yesterday. Additionally, there are people at work who are meaningful. You speak and see them more frequently, and they align with the same purpose. At this stage of my life, this suits me. I can imagine that when my children are older, there will be more room to spend more time in physical meetings.
- Supportive structure: Organization and balance in your daily life.
- Clear planning: Have you had a feasible to-do list?
- Personal balance: Have you spent time on both others and yourself?
Tip: Organize your day for more balance. Make a to-do list for the day, but keep it realistic and prioritize tasks. Set boundaries and learn to say 'no' to maintain a balance between work and relaxation.
I divide my day into blocks in my agenda. I have work blocks in which I plan tasks to do, blocks of relaxation (for example, a walk), and open spaces for the vagaries of the day. The scheduled appointments in my agenda take precedence. So, I say no to an added appointment if I already have a work block scheduled. This way, I have the space to actually do the work. Previously, I didn't do that, and it came down to doing the work in the evenings and weekends. That hardly happens now. Only if there's a deadline and I haven't scheduled enough work blocks, I work in the evening or on the weekend.
For me, it's crucial to schedule relaxationtime during the day. If I don't, I still tend to choose the other over myself. This remains a focal point for me, even though I know I can only be there for others if I take good care of myself.
- Mindful awareness: Awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and body.
-Calm reflection: Have you been aware of your thoughts, feelings, and body?
Tip: Train yourself to be aware of your thoughts and feelings. Introduce short mindfulness sessions during the day. Take a few minutes to follow your breath and become aware of your thoughts without judgment.
The mindfulness course I took a few years ago greatly helped me become aware of my thoughts, feelings, and body. Additionally, Yin Yoga helps me be self-aware and look at this with mild, open attention. Like all other points, this requires attention, and on some days, I succeed better than on others.
Final Thoughts
By implementing these tips into your daily life, you create a habit of self-care. It's not just about checking off the list but about making conscious choices that contribute to your overall well-being. Give yourself time to integrate these practices and don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't work out one day. It's all about continuous commitment to yourself and your health, every day.
Self-care is not a luxury; it's a necessity, a harmonious symphony in which your well-being plays a crucial role!